Chapter 5: The una-VOID-able conclusion.




"Well, isn't this just all kinds of crazy. And cool, I have to admit."



"Excuse me, Sir, but your warranty has been voided."
"Oh, ha ha. Do you work as a stand-up-on-a-budget on the side?"
"A true ninja is not limited to physical weaponry alone."
"Indeed, it's... well, I can't really call it 'creative', but... that's when you are the scariest. And most lethal."


"What the... what's with this path? Where's my route selection? I do know how to make decisions, you know. Even if said decisions never really lead anywhere."
"You COULD have decided not to knee me in the family jewels, you know."
"Yeah, I could. But I wanted to, so there."



"Now this is more like it... I think. At least the sun is shining, even if it looks like the dead of night.... and the orange of sunset in the lower right hand corner. Things sure get scenic in the void."



"Ah, nothing quite like enjoying a good sunset. In fact, I can enjoy a sunset AND the stars at the same time. I wonder what the housing cost is like here."



"Hmm. These papers don't really tell me anything about that. They're not being very helpful to potential tenants now, are they? I'm going to have to complain about that."
*groan* "You could have thought about that BEFORE you beat me up. Because I don't really feel like listening to you now."
"Oh, don't worry about it. I'll just take it up with someone else. Hey, maybe I'll even meet Mr. Kunitoki. I'm sure he's got the market cornered already, so I can probably get a deal beaten out of him or something."



"Oooh, like this place here. I'd put the toilet right on the open square. That way, it'll just drop into the void, and I'll never need to flush."
*urk* "Yeah, that's totally what I needed to die for."



"And this place... it'll be my entryway. I can even remove these chequered squares and make a drawbridge. That way, I can pour boiling tar on the people I don't want hanging at my door, like salesmen. Or rent-a-clowns."
"A clown is my friend. A clown does not... *cough* ....does not bite me and throw me in the basement." *wheeze*
"What are you talking about? This place has no basement. That's what makes it so great. It's like an infinite dumpster, sewer system and disposal unit."



"Are you ready to die, ninja?"
"No, I'm ready for a big, five room condo with all facilities available and a nice view of the stars."
"Well, th-..wait, what?"
"This place is great. The possibilities are almost endless. You can expand and expand and there's still infinite space to rent out. You could be a millionaire."
"Yes, that's all well and good, but you seem to have forgotten that I'm an evil villain and YOU are the hero who's supposed to hunt me down and face me in a final, epic showdown."
"That's so old-school. You have to think new. Original. Dare to go ways that no evil villains have gone before."
"Tempting, but... no. I want my final battle, because this time I KNOW victory will be mine."
"Yeah, that's what they all say, but listen... think... well, think about the possibilities, man."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES! I WANT MY FIGHT! STOP STALLING!"
*sigh* "OK, fine!"



"Ack! Damn you. You're blocking my shots back at me. And I don't have the sense to stop throwing them at you until the recoil kills me."
"I tried to warn you. Don't tell me I didn't try, but did you listen? Nooo, you just wanted to play the big villain. As if our two earlier encounters didn't teach you about the futility."
"Curse you, ninja. Curse you to hell."
"Yeah, yeah... 'this cannot be' and 'I was supposed to come out on top' and all that rot."
"What do you mean 'come out on top'? That just sounds all... dirty."
"Uh... yeah, sorry. Freudian slip, there."



"Well, he just stood there and took it like a complete idiot, so... what can I say?"



"Wait, what?"



"I have not been defeated yet, ninja. Fear my two-hit, A -> B repeat combo."
"OW! OK, that does at least hurt... somewhat. But that was before I unleashed my ultimate attack!"



"PUUUURPLE KIIIIIICK!"
"Grargh! This... this cannot be."
"...."
"Er... I didn't mean to say that. Did I just say that?"
*sigh* "You sure did. And I bet you just couldn't help yourself, huh?"
"No, I... it wasn't... I would never..."
"Yes, yes. You didn't really mean to spout cliche'd dialogue. I bet it was a union thing or something. Maybe it was in your contract? Regardless of that, though...."



"Whaaaat?! No more 'the battle continues'? I am so going to miss those."



"NOOOOO! I WAS GOING TO WIN! MY VICTORY WAS THIS CLOSE!"
"Well, that's what you get for just sitting at the end of the road, instead of.. you know... taking care of stuff personally. I know I haven't levelled or anything, but if you just took the time to fight me before I gained all my weapons and stuff, you could have won."
"......"
"Well, most likely, anyway."



"WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS?! ARE YOU FRIGHTENED NOW?! HUH?! ARE YOU?!"
"Well... no. In fact, that just makes you look ridiculous. And like a sore loser."



"AAACK! I PLAYED WITH LIGHTNING AND ALL I GOT WAS WHITE PALMS! THIS IS THE END FOR SURE!"
"Great. Because I'm getting tired of listening to you ramble. I mean, Jesus... I know these are your final moments... again... but could you please cut it a little shorter?"
"You have no heart, ninja. But fine, I shall end it all with..."



"BIG BANG FLASH EXPLOSION!"
"AAACK! Ow, my eyes. That was like... like... getting out of bed when it's still dark outside, stumbling to the bathroom and turning on the lights. Ow, my retinas."



"Pshaw! He's gone, and all he left behind was his broken helmet. What did he think he was? A Jedi?"



"Alas, poor Kunitoki! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite tries, of most excellent defeats. He has taken my beatings on his bum a thousand times; and now, how hilarious in my imagination it is."
"......"
"In other words; sayonara, loser."



"Well, I guess I'm done. And there's my sunset, but... where are my stars. My void. My damn apartment plans. Kunitoki really was an evil bastard, seeing as I was kicked out of this neat place once my work was done, and now all I have is this stupid helmet."
"....."
"Good Lord, this place is so FLAT! Even if I have been returned, there should at least be some mountains."
"......"
"Oh well, I guess I've finally earned myself some rest. This being the last part of a trilogy, I probably don't have anything else I need to do, so... vacation time?"


*Some undisclosed time in the future*



"Cancelled! What do you mean 'cancelled'? What... what the hell am I supposed to do now? I can't be fired, dammit! This is... this is ridiculous. Why, back in the days..."


THE END!


Also, big thanks to the Last Ninja Archives for faqs, walkthroughs and possibly putting up with me filching a screenshot from their Last Ninja 4 screenshot collective and using that for my LP. ^^;;
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