Chapter 2: Gone with the bellows.




"Well, of course I would find myself at some sort of high-rise after fighting a boss in a dungeon. That's the kind of common sense that makes life worth living."



"I... am... walking... in... slow... motion. Also... my... karma... dragon... has... gotten... a... green... stripe... on... his... sweater."
"....."
"Clearly... this... computer's... processor... isn't... fast... enough... to... let... me... walk... behind... stuff."



"Well, that was pointless. Also, the pillars are on the other side now. Clearly a case for retribution if there ever was one."
"But... but you didn't have to take that out on ME."
"I'm a ninja. I take my retribution out on everyone. That's what I learned in my travels."



"Hello, and welcome toAARGH!"
"Move it, short stuff. Ninja coming through."
"Et tu, common sense."



"Excuse me, Sir, but do you have a light?"
"Sure thing. Why do you ask?"
"Because I'm going to punch it out."
"....what?!"



*urk* "OK, I get it."
"Thank you. Come again."
"Alas, that's one of the things I don't think I'll ever do again, seeing as my light wasn't the only thing you punched out."



"And right around the corner, we have housing and a lake. I guess someone likes their home with a little variety."



"Ah, bellows. Just what I need. Hey, I'm totally not working by the 'pick everything up because it might come in handy later' or anything. I mean... who do you think I am? Askeladden?"



"OK, seriously... where are the stones? The people in the future were cheap about putting stones in their rivers, so I had to nudge boats loose so that I could cross over these random streams instead of... you know, swimming. But since I could find no boats here, I guess I'm just going to have to see if I can find something else."



"And that something else? A big, ol' water leaf. Yeah, that looks like it can support my weight, alright."



"Good grief, they can't seriously expect me to..."



"WHOA! OK, OK, OK, I am... not dead. Yeesh! I know I have unlimited lives and everything, but constantly dying because of water in my lungs is not fun."



"Well, whatever. I... wait, is that another leaf? Good God, don't tell me I have to do this again."



*sigh* "Sure looks like it. Well, at least I got my apologetic red potion to go with it. That's one extra life, after all. Yep, now I have unlimited lives PLUS ONE! Take that, childish arguments!"



"Oh well. No time to waste, I guess. I sure could use a vacation."



"Hello, strangOOOF!"
"You're not fooling me, Mr. Ninja. I saw what you did last summer."
"It wasn't 'last summer', it was five minutes ago. And unfortunately, you won't live to regret it."



"Alright, where to go now. If the last place taught me anything, it doesn't really matter which direction I choose. I'll still end up with my mental map looking like a complete mess and my mind broken."



"See? Now the rightmost building is green, while the left one is red and the one on the top is blue. How is that important? I HAVE NO IDEA!"



"At least I found the papers. Now I too can be granted access to Fight Club."



"PASSING THROUGH!"
"Augh! What the..."
"Warned ya."
"No, you did not."
"Well, OK, I didn't. But I'm a ninja. What kind of a ninja would I be if I warned people before killing them? It's not rocket science, buddy."
"I... I can't argue against that, I guess."



"A rope. I can only assume that means I'll be climbing something, and since I stupidly threw away my nailed gloves, this'll have to do. I swear, the ways these missions make no sense...."
"...."
"But anyway, I've got one thing to do before grabbing that rope."



"But... but why? I was running away and everything."
"Never turn your back on a ninja. Especially one that stands around in plain sight and babbles like a complete loon."



"Well, I got my papers and my rope, but... confound this place and its irregular paths. It even makes backtracking into a total pain."



"Actually, come to think of it, it was this way. A red building that turns into a green, that was the other way."
"...."
"God, I hope I never have to give somebody directions in this place. I wouldn't even know where to start."



"Yes, I think this is it. The four pronged path."
"...."
"But wait... aren't all the paths in this confusing mess of a town made up of compass directions?"



*whew* "I was right. This is the place where a blue wall changes into green, and then back into blue again. And there's the leaf I loosened too. This is just going swimmingly."



"And YOU! You're up on your feet again?"
"Argh! Noooo! I expected you to get completely lost downtown. What manner of person are you, that can escape the maze of madness?"
"I'm a ninja, that's what."
"Wait, that doesn't... But why...?"



"Um... excuse me, Sir, but what the hell are you doing?"
"Sssh. I'm getting down with my funky self."
"Uh.... right. I'll... I'll just leave it to you, then."
"Wow! It worked."



"Well, here's one fool who hasn't learned how to dance. And there can only be one kind of punishment for that."
"But I... what did I do?"
"Hush, you! It's what you DIDN'T do that's the problem."
"Oh, cruel fate, to happen upon someone who takes the term 'activist' a little too literally."



"And so I find myself here again. I must say that this backtracking business has been very tedious stuff. I wonder if anyone else has these problems, or if it's just me."

*well...*



"I swear... if I have to walk past this town one more time, I am going to kill someone."
"Now, now. I'm sure it's not anybody's fault that we've been walking between the same two dome-worlds a ludicrous amount of times, and this one just happens to be in the middle. Right, Sari?"
"Well, he's not the one who spent the whole time staring at my ass."
"Nope. I've spent all that time staring at Wren's ass, which is no fun, let me tell you."
"Yes, he's been staring at m... WHAT?!"

*ahem, anyway...*



"OW OW OW! I could have climbed down this one right away, but it was still a really bad idea. Even if I could have used the rope -- or even the damn NAIL GLOVES -- to climb down... well, technically any wall, but how am I to know what works where in this crazy world?"



"Anyway, here's the door, and... how the hell did I get here when I walked up and to the right from here, and still ended up on this spot."
"....."
"I have to stop trying to make sense of this."



"Hello, Mr. Temporary Shogun. Are you ready to do battle?"
"Sure, is! But first..."



"...here is your complimentary backrub. Nothing quite like that to loosen up sore and tight muscles."
"That's... not my backWHOA! YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, MISTER!"
"Now, now. Don't be a tightass."
"A what? Oh, that does it."



"I'm kicking the colors right the hell out of you. Nobody grabs my butt... and lives."


Uh..... yes. That... was quite the challenge our hero overcame to... to... *cough* ...anyway, once again, our hero faced the elements and won. And now, he was going to face the inevitability of success before moving on to the next challenge.



"No, it just ended! And I hope that the next elememt is what I hope it is, because I really need to wash off the feelings of guilt and horror."
"....."
"Come to think of it... fire OR water? Either of those are fine."


To be continued....
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