Chapter 6: Maniac Mansion Madness.




"It would be totally awesome if this was the Playboy Mansion, but something tells me I'm not that lucky."



"Well, anyway, this looks like a good place to drop off. I'd hate having to kill the helicopter pilot, especially mid-air."



"Boingy, boingy, boingy."



"Now then... I wonder if I'm going to survive this huge drop. Normally, I'd say 'of course, stupid', but I've died from less than this, so I can't really count on logic or common ninja sense here."



"Oh, thank God, I survived this five, maybe six feet drop. Nerve-wracking stuff."



"Goddamn it! Another 'maybe it's a drop, maybe it's death' decision point. Why are you doing this to me?"



*OOF* "Well, at least I survived. The option of kicking is out for a good while, though."
"WHOA! It's raining ninja."



"HAH! I bet you thought you could catch me unaware with a stab to the face. Unfortunately, I'm on to you, and you'll suffer my counter move: forehead to the knee."
"NOOOO! My Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicks course has been ruined. All for naught."



"Well, time to find the party. And to do that, I shall track the smell of food."



"Whoa, wait... I haven't even stabbed you yet."
"That's OK. I'm dead. Yep, definitely... definitely dead. No need to make sure or anything."
"Well..."



"Whatever. Mysterious doorways should always take priority. Anything that gets me out of this room and its eyesore of a woodpanel finish."



"Hah! And he went straight for the trap."
"I thought we were done with this nonsense back in the seweeeers." *ded*



"I fell to my death again, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Wait, what? Ow! Urgh! I..." *ded*
"And don't you forget it."



"Alas, another door. I should probably sneak past King Doofus here. And why are the lamps always hanging above the doors?"
"....."
"Well, it's been twice, but still...."



"Well, this sure looks like a cozy little room. And hey, let's play 'find the trademark' while we're at it."
"You shall not make fun of my lord's room while I'm around."
"Wanna know another word for 'stupidly dedicated'?"



"It's 'dead idiot'. And now that I've taken care of you, I'll help myself to this, uh... rope... thing. I sure hope I won't call on anyone by pulling on this, because that would lead to a chain of events where I have to kill everyone, and that would probably be bad."



"Now, if those dots on the wall are any indication, then it's probably not a good idea to walk down these steps. If I only had any of my smoke bombs, I could make sure, but then I would have to explain why I know everything about modern technology, and that would not be good."



"...which, sadly, leave me little choice except going back to this eyesore of a room. And some people in here just HAVE to make a bigger deal of themselves than strictly necessary."
*groan* "Sorry. Won't do it again."
"Well, it's not like it helps that you promise this NOW. I'm not going to come back here or anything."



"YES! Now that I have this odd rope in my hands, going into this doorway does not lead to instant death."



"Instant food, on the other hand.... will probably not be found here either, because this is where the culinary magic happens. And frustrated people carving 'Ramsay sucks' on the cupboard."



"So, who's up for some 'stir-fried ex-guard'?"
"Noooo! I shall not be eaten."



"Well, the kitchen was no fun at all. Let's see if I can get the Network Channel on this thing instead."



"Pah! It was just an alarm switch. I have to say, this has got to be one of the least eventful places I've ever been to. Is there no place where a ninja can get down and party?"



"What's this? A secret entrance? Looks like I'll be getting my wish here."



"Why in blazes are these large rooms so close to each other? There should have been a lot more room between each door."
"Well, you can take your complaints and write them all down, and then SHOVE THEM right UP YOUR CORNHOLE!"
"Oh, somebody'll shove something up someone's cornhole, alright."



"GAH! Curses, you've learned the secret ninpo technique of 'forehead to knee'. Luckily, the ninja of my village foresaw this possibility and padded our knees."
"Cheat'n bitch!"



"Ow! You really DID shove your sword up my... *cough* ...never mind."
"When ninja kancho, we do not mess around. Now stop nagging me. I've got to open this door... by a panel on the nearby wall. You'd think they would have invented door handles by now."



"Well, obviously, someone likes fun and games. This labyrinth is for novices only, though. Seriously, you'd have to be completely smashed off your feet to find this a challenge, which explains the bottles randomly lying around, I guess."



"Ugh, do I see more of that ugly woodpanelling behind that door? That's going to be a pain in the eye. Well, I guess that's no reason to waste time."



"Aaaack! Killed by steam. Man, does that sound like a newspaper article waiting to happen. Now, how could I possibly get past this insurmountable barrier of... well, hot air?"


How indeed? Armakuni finds himself literally on the doorstep to all the answers he's been seeking, and it's not like he can't just crawl under it or somersault over it or anything. Noo, that would be too logical. Obviously, a huge, complicated process is required to succeed in disabling this barrage of death.



"Yep. Click the switch, and go inside. That's it."
"....."
"Man, I'm SO glad I brainstormed that one."



To be concluded....
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