Chapter 5: Legoland at last.




"Alrighty, I should probably do a couple of stretches before heading off into the palace. Wouldn't do to get kicked down by cramps when in a battle for life and death."



"Like now, for instance. Good thing I took the time to do that."



"See? I bet you felt the power of my stretching session."
"Urgh! That the last words I should hear is this random nonsense. Say something profound, dammit!"
"If a guard falls in the woods, and only a ninja is around to hear it; does he make a sound?"
"What the... what does that even... why... I am... ARGH!" *ded*
"Yes, you think about that for a while.... IN THE AFTERLIFE!"



"Hmm. He seems kind of busy. Maybe I shouldn't disturb him."
"......"
"Then again..."



"HYAAAAH!"
"Wait, did you just... just... stab me through the stomach with a STAFF? How does that even..." *ded*
"I'm a ninja. I can do anything."



"Oh, look. It's a man and his bull. So... what does it feel like, working for an evil overlord?"
"It's OK. The worst thing is the smell!"
"H-heeeey. That hurt, you know."



"OK, it's a door. I guess I could... hey, wait. What's that?"



"An apple. Ooookay, I'll just... refrain from questioning why it's on the path like that. At least it wasn't in a CAVE or anything. Or, even better, on a table in the dungeons! Good grief!"



"Oh. hey, pre-dead person. Soooo... not up for a fight, I assume?"
"No way. I saw what you did. I saw everything!"
"And you think lying down is going to stop me?"
"Uh.... yes?"



"Hey there, Dick GRAYson, age twenty-two."
"My name isn't Richard. And I'm NOT 22."
"Well, you can't expect me to remember the names of everyone I kill. Who do you think I am?"
"What does that have to... urgh, never mind. I should've learned not to listen to you guys."



"On second thought, I... think I'll go through the first entrance."
"So, not only did I have to listen to your nonsense, but I'm about to die for nothing?"
"Yep."
"Urgh, you... you go to hell and you..." *ded*
"Die? Not yet, sport. Besides, I've got unlimited lives."



"Helloooo entrance...."



"...and goodbye, random guard. Wow, you are literally a redshirt too."
"I'm what? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Pretty much this..."



"Argh! Curse this expendable life." *ded*
"Ugh! Could you at least keep your lolling tongue off my boots? Now I've got slobber all over them and stuff. You deadbeats have no sense of courtesy."



"OH HA HA HA HA HA! You thought wearing a yellow shirt would make you blend in with the floor? Man, you really are a laugh riot."
"Um... what?!"



"Nice place you've got here. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it."
"Like what?"



"Oh, like it losing all its guards."
"Point... *cough* ...taken." *ded*
"Nope, because I wasn't using my sword. And you're too dead to appreciate my jokes, you coward. Bleh!"



"OK, this must be the office of... uh... Middle... Six... Earth... Capital...... uh... OK, I'm leaving this place right now! This is giving me a headache. Kunitoki's trying to be deep? Yeah..."



"Another dead end? Yeah, I'll be giving Kunitoki the ol' middle something, alright."



"Man, that guy must really like beatings, seeing as he's always there when I get back. If only I knew some bullies I could have introduced him to."



"La de da de da this couldn't possibly be a trap or anything, la la la la..."



"...laURGH! Damn you, hindsight. And damn you, sloppily mounted Samurai armor pieces."



"Alright, this time I'll just rub up against this armor piece like a hungry kitty, and hope the sword won't shave the hairs of my chinny chin chin. Good Lord, if this is an indication of what kind of guy this Kunitoki is..."



"HAH! Eat my phallic symbol, Sigfried. Huh?! Huh?! How about deez nuts?"



"Uh... well, this could... be... something? Good Lord, I have no idea what to make of this. Makes me wish I paid more attention in Japanese class."



"Well, whatever. I'm near the end of this... entrance.. thing. I can feel it."



"See? There's the stairs, red carpet and all. I'm gonna ninja the hell out of this place... with STYLE!"



"AAAACK! This... the... IT'S A TRAP! Now that really makes no sense."



"OK, fine! If I have to go back to the incomprehensible room, I'll do just that. I'm sure if I just touch stuff randomly... yeah, that sounds like a great idea."



"Man, Kunitoki's gotta be compensating for something. Even his letters have boners. Jug 'o Viagra, perchance?"



"And this is... what the...!"



"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! Man, I look like... like a TELETUBBY!"
"...."
"STOP LAUGHING!"



"Yes, everyone, watch out! Because here comes the NINJATUBBY! Here to bring the green death to everyone."



"What the... looks like somebody's been putting their sticky fingers into Lord Kunitoki's secret stash."
"I DIDN'T TOUCH THE VIAGRA, OK?!"
"No, I was thinking of... wait, Viagra?"
"I can see only one way out of this with my dignity intact."



*urg* "By kicking me in the penis?"
"Better than dipping into the Viagra stash."
"For... whoooo..." *ded*
"Me. Mostly."


There have been many challenges for our hero... ninja... whatever... to face, and now, his last indignity possibly behind him, Armakuni readies himself to face the Lord of the Capital on his own turf. But first, he must face another challenge.



"Yep. Being green sure helped me get past THIS problem. Maybe it's a 'Teletubbies only' stairway. Makes me worry about what I'll be facing further inside this place, or what kind of parties Kunitoki tends to throw."


To be continued....
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