Chapter 2: Take a Walk on the Wild Side.




"Long have I desired to look upon the... uh.. lions of... oh, never mind."



"Well, if you aren't going to let me in the front door, then I'm just going to have to steal one of your claws and head down this here side way. Any complaints? No? Didn't think so."



"Time to dig up ol' Chuck. He's got work to do."



"CHUCK, NOOOO! Damn it, you took care of him too fast. It's no fun being a ninja if I can't make it last, at least a little."



"OK, maybe this one will last a little longer. HYAAAAAH!"
"Ulps!"



"What the... stand back up, you wuss. That was ONE hit, and a rather half-hearted slap at that."
"Nope. That's it. I'm done. Your chuck is far bigger than mine."
"Well, thank you, Sigmund Killjoy Freud."



"Don't tell me THIS is what I had to steal a lion's claw to climb. I'm a ninja. I could get up there with a standing jump. Hell, even a non-ninja should be able to get up there."



"Oh well, let's play this evil mastermind's plan. Climbing up the short wall with the claw like a proper ninja hoooo hum."



"Oh, hey there, Mr. Enemy. Will you promise me to fall off this ledge in dramatic fashion when I defeat you?"
"CHAAAARGE!"
"I'll take that as a 'yes'."



"H-heeey. You promised."
"When did I do anything of the sort, you fool?!"
"Yes, but... my dramatic victory.... you just had to go ruin it, didn't you?"
"Heh heh. That was all part of... my... plan.." *ded*



"That jerk! Oh well, if you need something done, I guess you're just going to have to do it yourself."



"TELL MY MOM I LOVE HEEEAAAAAAAAH!"
".....idiot!"



"And now for the next chapter of 'how to not fall down pits', namely 'jumping'."



"Hey, guy. I think there's something not quite right with my nunchucks. Could you take a look at the chain link and see if it's fastened within regulation standards?"
"KILL!"
"Oh, come on. Surely you can take ONE minute out of your important job of being a faceless minion to help me out here. Is there no love left in this world?"



"Apparently not. Some people are just so stubborn."
"W-wait. I'll.. I'll look.. at...." *ded*
"Too late now, foo'."



"Wait, is that...?"



"It IS! An apple. Inside... a cave? That's just weird. I mean... is it even edible?"



"Oh well. La la la la la...."



"WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIIIIIIISSSS...?"



"Good thing I have unlimited lives. Saves me from my own idiocy. Now to hug the cliff side... for some reason. It's just a wall. I should be able to climb it anywhere, but noooo. Have to be all the way to the right, or instant death."



"At least the claw makes sense this time."



"Oh look. Another guard. You're just going to..."
"ATTAAAAACK!"
"...charge at.. yeah, I thought so."



*sigh* "We could have gotten a lot more done if some people would be willing to listen. But noooo, can't have that."
"I'll... remember that for... for the... next... tiiimeee..." *ded*
"Not while dying from huge chuck-related dents in your cranium, you silly person. Now reflect on this in the afterlife."



"Decisions, decisions. Maybe I should try the road on the right."



"Urk! Not this again."



"Christ, the only thing worse than crossing rivers would be crossing a huge stretch of brown swamp."



"......you hate me, don't you? Fine! I'll cross your stinking river. And I don't mean that in a literal way."



"There! Happy now?"



"KILL!"
"I'll take that as a... 'not quite'."



"Why do they.... always go for... the nuts." *ded*
"It's always the same. One hit, and down they go."



"What's this blinking thing on the wall?"



"OH GOD WHY AM I CHANGING COLORS?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A NINJA!"



"Why are you blinking? You're supposed to be a ninja."
"I KNOW! I JUST TOUCHED SOME WEIRD STUFF ON A STONE OVER THERE! THIS IS SO NOT COOL, MAN!"
"Well, anyway, I'm sorry, but it's time to die."
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I NEED TO BE MORE COLORFUL?!"
"I SAID DIE, not dye?"
"And now he's making fun of me. That's just great."
"No, I... argh, stupid words that sound the same."



"Hey, another item in my collection of 'things I picked up from the ground'. It's a glove, but... I'm right-handed, dammit! This isn't fair..." *grumble, grumble*



"Hookay, I've got two alternatives yet again, though the upper one has kind of a dead end-ish feel to it."



"Oh man, not only was it a dead end, but they totally recycled the backgrounds from another place I went to. Either this is a coincidence, or Kunitoki has a gardener with an eye for detail that borders on the psychotically insane."



"Hey, guy. Mind if I use your outhouse for a minute?"
"NONE SHALL PASS!"
"So, that's the way it's going to be, huh? I suppose we'll be settling this with one blow."



"AN ACTUAL FIGHT! I am delirious with joy."
"Glad to be of service."
"...I get the feeling this'll take a while."



"HIGH STRIKE!"
"LOW DUCK!"
"Duck? Where?"
"Argh! He found my weak spot: horrible puns."
Wait, what? No, I didn't. Get back up, dammit."



"That jerk! He didn't have to fall over and die just because I misunderstood something he said. How do you DO that anyway? And... why does this place look familiar?"



"Ooooh, it's the glowy thing on the rock wall. Even though... even though I just ran downwards all the time. THAT MAKES NO SENSE! I mean... did I run around the whole planet? Man, that's just stupid."



"Well, since we're playing that game, why don't I just make myself all glow-y and stuff again?"



"And not only do I have to hop over that damn river again, but it looks like I'll have to do some more mudskipping too. Good thing I glow like a lighthouse. I'm sure that'll do me a lot of good."



"Well, here we are. Please let this be a painless operation."



"Yes, I think I'm getting to the root of the problem. Um... literally, that is."



"KILL THE FLASHING NINJA!"
"Hey, I'm not... oh, wait, you meant THAT kind of flashing."



"KIgurk..." *ded*
"Sorry, but I'm in a rush. This blinking thing must be doing something, and I intend to find out what before it runs out."



"Urgh! Another outhouse. I really need to go too, but I can't waste the blinky thing."



"Hey, a bamboo field. I should totally spend a couple of seconds making me a staff out of this, because that'll be a much more effective and lethal weapon than nunchucks or a SWORD, right?"



"Alright, I think I can hear something ahead. This... this has to be it. This is where all the questions will be... well, answered."


The power of blinking on its last legs, Armakuni raced on to find out what it did. Certain doom loomed ahead, so this was probably going to be it. What could it be?



"The blinking makes me... fireproof? That's it? Wh... what? H... how? Wh... WHY?!"


To be continued....
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